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Archives for June 2019

The Innate Wisdom of Women’s Bodies in Perimenopause and Menopause with Tania Elfersy

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“perimenopauseOur bodies are always talking to us. In this episode of the podcast, coach Tania Elfersy shares a very personal story about how she came to understand this in a deep way. Tania now works specifically with women experiencing perimenopause and menopause symptoms and helps them to turn their attention to the possibility that our churned up thinking can cause stress in our bodies. And how women can listen to that message in order to live more peacefully, and with fewer symptoms, in mid-life.

You can listen above or on iTunes or your favorite podcast app or watch the video here. Below are the show highlights and full transcript.

Show Notes

Purple leaves, red cherries
  • The difference between perimenopause and menopause
  • Busting some of the myths about perimenopause and menopause
  • How are bodies are wise all the time, not just sometimes
  • Tania’s insight about her ‘enoughness’ that changed her experience of menopause
  • Physical improvements once Tania heard what her body was saying to her
  • On the stories we create that cause stress in our bodies
  • How we sometimes take things from the past and let them define our present
  • How an understanding of how our experience of our thinking can change our physical experience
Tania Elfersy

Tania Elfersy is an award-winning author and publisher who has spent several years researching what causes and cures the emotional and physical symptoms associated with perimenopause and menopause by weaving her knowledge of midlife women’s health with the principles of innate health. Tania successfully cured her own range of symptoms one hundred percent naturally.

Tania is committed to helping women learn more about their bodies at midlife through coaching teaching and writing. Tania guides women to the simple and natural cures for perimenopause and menopause symptoms which are available to all of us.

You can find Tania at TheWiserWoman.com

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The Answer is to Stop Searching for Answers

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Most of us having something we’re searching for.

“stopA different body. A better marriage. A fatter bank-account. Less anxiety. More confidence. Less shame.

I don’t know about you but for years I spent a lot of time chasing the specific things I was after. Looking for solutions to what I perceived as the problems of my life. That’s where self-help books and strategies came in.

But what if the solutions to the challenges that we’re chasing are not where we’re looking?

Here’s a specific example:

Throughout my life I’ve been, shall we say, financially challenged. Always living paycheque to paycheque, without savings and sometimes without the means to pay my bills. Part of this is rooted in the decade-long fixation I had on earning a living writing fiction, which didn’t work out, financially at least. It left me deeply in debt and, financially worse off in my early 50s than I was in my early 20s.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about money and thinking about ways to solve the problems I feel I’ve created. This chase is oriented outside myself. 

hound dog

I’m like a hound dog on the scent, tail up, nose down, galloping along trying to find the thing I’m looking for. My logical brain says that once I find that thing – in this example, financial stability – I’ll feel at peace and whole.

What if we’re already whole?

We chase the wind, trying to find solutions to what we believe is broken inside us. But what if there’s no need for that chase at all? 

If action was the answer, wouldn’t we be fixed by now? I lost track a long time ago of the number of self-help books I’ve read. Those well-intentioned books and authors only caused me to be more focused on my perceived brokenness. The list of strategies I employed to manage my feelings and change my behavior became so extensive it could have filled a book of its own.

For self-help junkies like us, the search, the chase, can become almost addictive. It feels like we have to be doing something in order to create positive change in our lives.

Set the problem down

Since coming across the Three Principles, what I keep being reminded of is that when I feel I have a ‘problem’ the solution is to set it down. 

raindrop on leaf

That seems counter-intuitive, and sometimes it’s very hard to convince my brain, which loves solving problems, to let things go and stop trying to fix them. But again and again, I’m reminded that chasing answers isn’t the answer.  Ironically the chase ends up leading us farther away from what we seek.

Wisdom always lies inside us. It is always there for us. No matter what.

What I seem to need most to learn is to stop chasing around outside myself and instead slow down, wait, and listen. 

When you have a problem to solve, are you able to see the wisdom in not chasing the answer? Please leave your thoughts below and join the conversation.

[Woman sitting image courtesy Myles Tan and Unsplash. Hound photo courtesy Adam Muise and Unsplash. Rain drop image courtesy Ed Leszczynski and Unsplash.]

Insight As The Healing Force In Addiction Recovery With Harry Derbitsky

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“HarryIt is likely that addiction has touched your life in some capacity, either personally or with someone you know. This is certainly true for me. My darling departed brother was a recovered alcoholic and I remember him mentioning the dismal statistics that Alcoholic Anonymous cited. That number is up for debate, but whichever way you look at it, it’s not great.

Perhaps there’s another way. A path that relies less on will power and more on leaning into our true nature of innate health and well-being. In episode 2 I had a conversation about this with Greg Suchy, and today I talk to his co-host of the Addiction, Alcoholism and the Three Principles webinar series, Harry Derbitsky.
Harry Derbitsky

Harry Derbitsky’s book Evolution of Addiction Recovery is out now and has testimonials from psychiatrist Dr. Bill Pettit and psychologist Dr. Amy Johnson. This unique offering by an early student of Sydney Banks provides a roadmap to the spiritual and psychological nature of the Three Principles for addiction recovery.

It includes indigenous or native American chapters and is available at Amazon and in certain bookstores. Harry and recovery coach Greg Suchy co-host the bi-monthly webinar and YouTube series called Addiction, Alcoholism and the Three Principles.

You can find Harry at ACTTraining.biz

You can listen above or on iTunes or your favorite podcast app. Below are the show highlights and full transcript.

Show Notes

Evolution of Addiction Recovery
  • How Syd Banks defined jumping the boundaries of time
  • Why the 3 Principles appeal to those looking for a spiritual-psychological answer about addiction
  • How the field of addiction recovery is evolving
  • On the involvement of insight in addiction recovery for those like Bill W.
  • The restriction to mental health of labeling oneself as having a disease
  • How the Three Principles work as a health model, rather than a disease model

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What’s the difference between an insight and an idea?

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How do we know when we’ve had an insight?

“ideaIn our exploration of the three principles of innate health and well-being, we mention insight quite a bit. One of the questions I had when I first started learning about the principles was how do I know the difference between an insight and an idea that my brain offers?

Here then are a few things I’ve observed about that in the past year or so. These experiences apply whether I’m experiencing a deeper level of understanding about how my mind works and when I’m looking for information about what to do next.

Insight changes everything. When we’re searching for answers about the truth of ourselves or a situation, the oft-quoted explanation is that with insight, “Nothing has changed, but everything is different.” That has certainly been my experience.

With insight, we suddenly see a situation or pattern of behavior in an entirely new light. The feeling I get at those times is often one of, “Oh, now I get it.”  My experience has been that this flavor of insight can be like a sudden mental jolt; sometimes my jaw drops open or I freeze in my tracks. Other times, it is more subtle and I simply notice a small shift within myself.

Insight feels soft. For me, ideas from my brain come with a different quality than insights. They are often just as valuable and beneficial – where would we be without ideas? But ideas are more obvious and don’t have that quality where things feel like they’ve shifted. The easiest way I have to explain it is that ideas feel like they come from my brain and insight feels like it comes from somewhere else in my body. A more central place. My solar plexus perhaps. But please don’t get caught up in that explanation. That’s just one way I have of describing the difference. For you, it might be very different.

Boots and water

Further to the idea that insight feels soft, it also feels peaceful to me. When I had my recent computer problems and needed to know what to do next, my brain was putting forth lots of ideas about what I could do. And one thing I noticed was that those ideas, while they felt logical, they didn’t feel peaceful.

So I waited. I waited until something landed with me that felt calm and peaceful. The insight to email the computer company was entirely absent of fear and any kind of panic. I felt utterly calm. To me, that pointed to insight.

Invisible insight. And then I’ve only recently started to realize that sometimes insight is invisible and undetectable. This happens when, with hindsight, I can see that something in me has shifted and I feel different about a situation, but without any conscious awareness of having had insights about that situation. An example from my life of invisible insight is when, without warning, I stopped feeling the desire to drink soda pop at lunch.

A caveat. I hesitated to write this post because I don’t want to imply that insight has to feel a certain way, or that you need to feel certain things in order to label something as insight. Because that’s not the case at all. And I’m also not trying to demonize ideas.

footprints on a beach

Syd Banks talked all the time about ‘following the good feeling’ and I think insight is a perfect example of that. Our problem-solving brains are often throwing ideas at us, especially when we’re worried or fearful about something, but those ideas don’t always come with a good feeling.

What I have found is that the more I learn to look for a good feeling in an idea or insight, the more peaceful and calm my life is.

Whether information you receive is from your brain or insight doesn’t really matter. What matters, it seems, is how it’s making you feel. When we are in touch with our wholeness and our innate well-being we feel good. And insights that feel good can remind us of our default setting of peace, calm and wellness. 

Perhaps insight can be thought of as arrows, pointing us back to our innate health.

I’d love to know your expeirence with noticing the difference (if any) between ideas and insight. Please leave your thoughts below and join the conversation.

[Light bulbs image courtesy Tomas Robertson and Unsplash. Boots and water image courtesy Sylwia Bartyzel and Unsplash. Beach footprints photo courtesy Zack Minor and Unsplash.]

Exploring the Power and Possibilities in the Unknown with Dawn Krieger

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“DawnWe all have access, all the time, to wisdom and well-being. The paradox of life is that we so often are unaware that this is so. I’ve only just begun to figure it out myself. Our busy minds seem to have a habit of convincing us that they have all the answers. But there’s another way to live our lives that is more peaceful and less fraught.

In today’s interview, Dawn Krieger brings that home with examples from her own life as well as her experiences working with clients.

In the introduction I mention being on a webinar last week with Christian McNeill. Click here to listen and watch. (My dear friend Lorraine makes a surprise appearance!)

Dawn Krieger

Dawn Krieger is a transformational life coach, workshop facilitator, and Three Principles practitioner. She started her journey as a social worker out of college and learned a lot about the resilience of the human spirit, compassion and personal well-being.

She shifted to individual and group coaching while getting her master’s in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica. Dawn experiences a great joy when she sees her clients connect back into their personal truth, listening more consistently to how their well-being is always guiding them, and seeing them live life from the good feeling within as they slow down and listen.

You can find Dawn at DawnKriegerCoaching.com

You can listen above or on iTunes or your favorite podcast app. Below are the show highlights and full transcript.

Show Notes

  • From healing to working in construction and back again
  • Approaching a solopreneur business with a relaxed state of mind
  • Listening to our own wisdom while growing a coaching practice
  • The simple work of redirecting clients to see their own wisdom and well-being
  • Focusing on the fun and creativity in business, rather than feeling pressure
  • The power found in the unknown
  • How our state of mind affects how we feel about the unknown
  • On beginning to trust even the uncomfortable moments
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Breaking the Habit of Fixing Ourselves

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There’s a reason I refer to myself and those I work with as ‘self-help junkies’.

“breakingMaybe you can relate to this. We innocently got in the habit of thinking of ourselves as broken. As a result we diligently and perhaps even relentlessly work at ‘fixing’ ourselves. Reading books. Taking classes. Focusing on the things we think are wrong with us and trying to make them better. The old paradigm of psychology told us this was necessary and we took that to heart.

It can be hard to break that habit. I’m trying to do that now and I find my thoughts automatically turn to what I can work on re: myself. 

How do we let go of the habit of fixing ourselves?

I don’t have a definitive answer for that but I have a few clues and things I’ve been trying.

1. As often as I can, I try to remember that there is something greater at play within me than just me and my thoughts. When I remember this, I imagine I’m lying on my back in a gently flowing river. I am entirely supported by the river, and yet I don’t control its path in any way. I’m not in charge. The river is.

2. I try to listen to my body. If I need a nap, I take a nap. If I don’t feel like doing something I normally enjoy, I don’t do it. And conversely, if I feel like doing something I don’t normally do, I try it. 

3. I try to notice my thought-storms for what they are. They are not the truth about me. They are not the ultimate answer about my habits or my state of being. Thought is tempoarary. Always. Even when it affects my mood and makes me feel like crap, I try to remember that it will not last. And that in a few moments or hours I will feel different.

4. I remind myself about insight. If I’m not feeling particularly insightful at a given moment, I try to remember that insight changes everything. When we see differently, we do differently. We can’t bully ourselves into changing, though we have sure tried! We cannot force insight, but perhaps we can cultivate an environment where it has an easier time reaching us. I try to cultivate that environment by doing the things I’ve listed above as often as I can remember to. 

5. And finally, I give myself a break. If I’m not changing fast enough I remind myself that it’s not up to me. I’m doing my best by looking in the direction that the Three Principles point. 

If I could sum up this post in one word it would be: relax. Or: soften. 

I remember my mother reading me a picture book when I was really young. It was a fable about the sun and the wind. You’ve likely heard it as well. It goes like this:

windy day

The north wind challenges the sun to a competition to determine who is stronger. They see a man walking around a city and the wind says, “I bet I can get that man to take off his coat and you can’t.”

“You’re on,” says the sun.

The wind puffs up its cheeks and blows as hard as it can, intending to blow the man’s coat off his body. In the town square, where the man in walking, newspapers go flying, ladies hats are ripped from their heads, flags flap on their poles and are in danger of ripping away. 

The man in question leans into the wind on his walk and pulls his overcoat even more tightly around him.

The cold north wind blows even harder, sending people scurrying inside, away from its wrath. 

The man walks on, gripping his coat and while it flaps around its legs it doesn’t come off because of his tight grip.

Eventually the wind stops blowing. “That coat will not come off,” the wind says to the sun. “No amount of strength will get it to move. It’s impossible.”

sunny meeting room

The sun nods. “Perhaps you’re right.” And then the suns rays begin to warm the stones in the town square. Cats come out of hiding and lie in sunbeams. Flowers turn their heads toward the warmth. Ladies straighten their hair and put on their sunglasses. All is quiet and soft as the sun glows brightly in the sky.

The man who is the object of the wager between the sun and the wind, notices how warm he is getting as he walks. He unties the belt on his overcoat, and unbuttons the buttons. He shrugs his left arm out of the sleeve, and then the right. He pulls the coat off and folds it over one arm as he continues on his way.

Sometimes the best action we can take is no action at all. The more I understand about the Principles, the more I see that change comes when we simply look in the direction of the way we work, rather than when we try to force ourselves to change.

Are you able to step out of the habit of constantly trying to fix yourself? Please leave your thoughts below and join the conversation.

[Sunny meadow image courtesy Niklas Hamann and Unsplash. Windy image courtesy Josh Edgoose and Unsplash. Sunny meeting room image courtesy Bethany Legg and Unsplash.]